Jose Alvarez is a big fat retard and other observations.
This is all YouThink.com drama. I know you all have me on your friends list from like 2001, but this is what happened to me. My mom is a racist cunt. She needs to be medicated now!

YouThink.com is just another website. It is not anything special or significant. It is a relatively small "internet community." However, the xenophobia and elitism of its members keep the site from growing. It isn't that hard, at this point, to fit into YT generally. If you go to the newbies forum and ask around, plenty of people will answer your questions and help you out.

If you post with good grammar and don't beat any dead horses, you'll do fine in just about any of the forums. Just don't swear, post porn or hit on the kids, and you'll be fine. And of course, you can't post "personal attacks." What is a personal attack? If someone complains about you, and the mods like them more than they like you, or the person you attacked is a mod, expect that warning. If they are insignificant or unpopular, you can get away with it.

Before we go on further, I'm going to admit to the obvious. I am Electric. I expect an additional month tacked on to my unjust ban that I never even received three warnings to earn. I am personally attacked on this useless site every day. People accuse me of making up the medical conditions I have suffered with since I was 15 just because they're jealous that I am better than them. Yet since I don't report those attacks, they are ignored. And since they come from the Grand Douche Travbowman and Captain Sh*teater Ugotgash2, I would be ignored if I reported them. I would be told: "We'll look into it" as they ignore it completely and instead fret about the leak.

I'm going to start you off with the inside scoop from the mod forum. Most mods don't do sh*t. They might gossip about members they dislike or protect someone who should be banned if they like them, but besides that, most of them don't pull their weight. I was once a mod. I did my job as a question mod. I wasn't the best, and Kiki and Bored and Trav sometimes would nag me about approving a repeat or a retried question, but I worked hard and put some time in do to the questions. So did some of the others. The funny thing is, the gossipy ones didn't do sh*t. A lot of them would just talk about the "leak" and worry that people were giving information to members that knew too much about bannings and posted things publicly.

Those mods didn't care about doing a good job or approving questions. They just wanted to be able to gossip about banning people and not answer questions from the public when they made decisions. Fascism is a blunt word to describe that sort of system, and it has only gotten worse.

Back in 2001, we hardly had the rules we do now. We blocked swear words and banned for porn and such. But the personal attack rule didn't exist until late 2002 or even early 2003. A member made an "anti-Bon" profile that was both accurate and hilarious, and Buddy made us all take it down and thus developed the PA rule.

Bon was an annoying manipulative girl who would personally attack others and lie about people but then complain to Buddy if someone stood up to her. Ugotgash2 (the same douche, yes) defended me from her once, and she almost got him banned for sticking up for me when she was the one who attacked me and said I'd have to rape someone to have sex.

But that's all long gone. The personal attack rule exists. The problem is, it is about both mod and user discretion. I get personally attacked more than just about anyone whenever I post anything in Journals or on a "Which YTer" thread. Yet I just ignore the baseless attacks and they keep coming. Mod discretion is a horrible thing, and we need to limit it as much as we can. The mods should simply follow the rules that they develop.

The Rules of Conduct need to be simple and easy to interpret. It should be a letter of the law issue, not spirit of the law. The members should have to see actual proof of relationships with minors instead of just threads saying "X has been banned." And mods need to be put up to the same standards that users are. There is one perverted douchebag of a mod that exchanges naked pictures with girls and is a stealthier version of JDAppleton. Ban him, not the resident punching bag/smartest YTer.

Now, I've rambled enough about the mods, but this is all true. Simple solution: Demod the corrupt ones. There are plenty. There are mods that sit there in their ivory tower, being fatasses, only coming out on major banning decisions/votes. We need mods that are in touch with the "common man."

I graduated with a political science major and I'm working on a sociology masters, so having spent seven years with you social retards and morally disabled lunatics gives me good perspective to analyze YTs situation as a community. I want another amnesty. I want to be unbanned. The mods need a massive reorganization, or even a revolution. I'm normally not very rebellious, but I have strong morals, and I will say without any doubt, I am a better person than most of you. I used to volunteer to help developmentally disabled kids. Just because I care about issues and politics doesn't make me a fag or a retard. It makes me better than you. (I'm speaking to the vocal minority that hate me. Everyone else should stand up for yourselves and think for yourselves for once. Or admit you're a useless douche.)

Now, for the personal story segment, or time for everyone except Le_Berger to stop reading. Le can analyze my mind and give some inaccurate yet hilarious description of my mental state.

I came onto YouThink.com as a 16 year old boy. I was naive and sweet. I trusted anyone who was nice to me. If a girl was sweet to me, told me I was cute, smart and nice, I would fall for her pretty easily. I wrote poetry to girls and they loved it. Maybe not the mediocre poems, but I really was genuine. At first, everyone seemed to like it. I had "adorable" YT crushes. For several month, my YT girlfriend was Jesusfreek, a very nice girl from San Diego. San Diego seems to have more than its share of awesome girls. Even now. You know who you are. I won't name you, but you can name yourself if you aren't ashamed that I like you.

Everyone seemed to find my crushes adorable/cute. No one mocked me at first. YT was a very nice place. We were more than just an internet community. Back then we were really small, so we really were like an extended family. I had "big sisters" that gave me advice on how to do well in school, edited my college essays, and read my writing. Lilsublime was once of the best. She always stood up for me when people picked on me, even if the other person was her friend, too. Technochick edited my first short story and taught me how to keep my verb tenses consistent and write grammatically correct dialogue.

Buddy was active on YT. The newsletter was written by him, and he replied to PMs. He even let me interview him for a school assignment. I wrote about him and YT. Back then, we were all close. Buddy seemed to actually care about the kids that were on the site. That hadn't completely died. I've met Buddy's mom at YTCA meetups twice now. The closeness still exists at some level, but not like it did in 2001.

Of course, as the site grew, problems arose. The first was, as few of you now remember, Bon. Bon, Sweetshanny, and Demi_Chelle would harrass everyone in journals and make nasty comments such as wishing Cowpenguin had died in a car accident she was in. At first people mocked the "journalites" and journals was considered a "children/teens" forum.

Of course, that began to change around March of 2002 when people like Ugotgash2, Warrick1830, Jealousblues, Starliteyes, and Hottsmugirl joined.

Ugot and Hotts were rather cruel to me at first. In the summer of 2002 there was a group called YTIH8U or Hate group or something. I believe (though I had quit "forever" then) that these were the sort of people who actively looked to f*ck with the site and normal people by making alters and spreading rumors. The site was still really small and close, so it was almost as effective. These people would be calling and texting each other constantly and always gossiping.

Now of course, back to my YT crushes. Some of the poetry I wrote was for older girls who I had more of a sisterly relationship with, but I still crushed on them majorly. LedZepGrl and Pandapooky. LedZepGrl was a bit shy publicly, mostly posting the "Hanny and Pandy" show with Pandapooky, but besides that she didn't post too often. Pandapooky was YTs first celebrity. She was to beer as falconwing is to coffee. She got tired of the persona, from what I believe, and decided to flip out and create drama over key memberships. Ledzepgrl was there in this drama thread as well, but apologized later.

This is where I begin to sound paranoid. So far what I've told you is factual, without any speculation, or deep secrets involved. Bear with me as you travel down the path of redemption. That's right. Redeem yourself, asshole.

I talked with Pandapooky for a few months, and then LedZepGrl IMed me. I was under the impression they were twins. But it goes even deeper than that. They were the same person, or at least college roommates or something of that nature, so essentially when I was talking to Pandapooky, writing her poetry, it had been LedZepGrl the entire time. So when LedZepGrl talked to me, told me she lived an hour away from me and suggested we meet, I would venture to say she liked me. She acted like everything I wanted in a girl, since she had already gotten to know me through talking to me on Pandapooky's AIM name. She knew a lot about me already, so she already knew we had a lot in common. I regret that I didn't meet her. She quit YT I believe because people had caught on to her crush on me and she got shamed off the site for liking me. (we were flirting publicly all over the forums.)

I quit YT a month later, for a lot of reasons, though the final was some girl took me off her buddy list, which really wasn't my main concern, but just the straw that broke the camel's back, to use a cliche.

And mysteriously, just a couple weeks later, a girl named Dbbutterfly PMed me and told me she played the bass and dungeons and dragons. And she even liked baseball. It was like she was tailor made by someone who already knew me. At first I trusted her. She was Starliteyes sister, and Starlit had always been nice to me, so I had no reason to think anything was going on.

But Dbb's life was like a soap opera. Her father hid the plane tickets. She couldn't go to her academic bowl and meet me. Then when she went to college, she resorted to getting hooked on ecstasy and stealing things to keep up her habit within a month of college.

People like to call me crazy or rude for doubting her existence, but I do not believe she was real. There was so much crazy drama with her and I that I couldn't make sense of it. XDarkAngelX warned me that the article some alter wrote was about me because of something Badreligion told him. Yet Badreligion wouldn't tell me what she heard or where she heard it, and the person who wrote the article, Silversmoke3, claimed it was about her and had nothing to do with me and Dbbutterfly.

It was like a maze or a puzzle I was trapped it. I would ask Starliteyes and Dbbutterfly and they'd say "You're a writer! Check the source!" as if it was some riddle I had to solve.

But I digress. Or really, this has been a series of digressions. I don't expect anyone's actually read this far, except maybe for Tulip, and Tulip, don't stand up for me. I can stand up for myself. And mom, I know you're reading this as you worry about me, but I suggest you quit YT. You've done nothing but humiliate me on this site with your hidden racism and anti-semitism. People blame me for what you post, not vice versa.

I went back to YT in October of 2002, and at first everything was nice. People were all being nicer to me, generally. Most of the "bullies" were gone. And I continued my existence on the site and made new friends after Dbb went crazy. I always was cautious though. It seemed like there was constant gossip and drama about me. I tried to talk to girls, older girls in their late teens and early twenties, people who understood politics and could give me life advice. And that worked out well. There wasn't any more huge YT drama after Dbb.

I did "date" Pepperdrinks and people have tried to turn her against me by making up rumors that I said we met and had sex, when I never told anyone anything like that.

I talked to a lot of very pretty and nice girls in 2003 and 2004. I had more than my share of YT crushes, but I had learned to keep them out of the public sphere due to the protective insanity of my mom, and the cruel insanity of the YTers.

Now we're going to travel further in my mind. I'm going to expose myself and my mental state completely to you kids, since you like to make up disorders that I don't have or claim I fake the ones I do have.

I do not have asperger's syndrome currently. It was cured, or a better word would be treated. That is, with help, I was able to treat the symptoms and effectively not have the disease anymore, since it is defined by the symptoms.

I also have anxiety, and I've had it all my life. And I was always bullied like crazy in school. Mostly on YT, I would bitch about my high school bullies in questions and journals. At first, YT was my place to escape from bullying.

I had people who stalked me for two years in high school. So yes, I do tend to be a little paranoid, but rightfully so. There are people that hate me because I stand up for myself and am a very moral person. And if you disagree with me, I can easily spam up the site with Barry Goldwater quotations and Milton Friedman's negative income tax idea.

And I have ulcerative colitis, but it is in remission. If you f*cktardlickers remember, I've had several colonoscopies. The anxiety and the colitis do not work well together. When I get anxious, the colitis gets worse. When I get colitis, the anxiety gets worse. They feed each other and it can get ugly. Which brings us to 2004. I relied on YT my first year of college. I didn't like my roommate or most of his friends, so I spent my nights chatting with people on here instead of getting drunk on cheap watery beer.

And in May 2004, I had an anxiety attack. Perhaps "manic attack" would be the best word for it. I freaked out about a final in one of my classes. The thing was, I didn't even need to take it because it was optional, and I already had a C- (passing) in the course. But I had already gotten worked up about it and was up for something like 2 days straight with poor sleep the days before when I had my mom take me home. I took sleeping pills, and within a couple days, it passed and I finished my other finals and managed to get through my first year of college.

That summer, I looked for a job, and failing that, I worked for my mom and took a summer class. I got an easy A in the summer class, but I started getting sick in August. I might as well go into some detail. I threw up and could barely hold food down, but we did not think it was colitis. And yes Trav, I faked throwing up so you'd like me more and accept me. I care so much about the opinions of some guy who ruined my favorite website by being a nazi of a mod and picking Snowbdr88 to defend girls from creepy men.

I had to go to the ER twice that August, and the first time the medication I was put on made me sicker. The second time I was there for 3 nights, but I was put on Prednisone, which worked right away. I had a lot more energy and I was eating well. I even went to a Giants game the next week. I was very motivated about going back to school, and I started reading ahead in some of the books I had preordered. But when I got up there, it was too hot, and I started getting the same sort of anxiety I had when I had to leave a couple days early in the spring.

My mom picked me up when I had blood in my stool (which I faked just to impress the ladies, of course.)

She was concerned at first, but my heart starting beating really fast and I became rude to her when I got home. A sleeping pill had me down for a couple hours, but the next day I told my mom I hated her and caused family drama.

That night, late in the night, I was taken into the ER, and the next day I was admitted to the psych ward. It was supposed to be three days then I'd be out of there. But as soon as I got there, they had me on the phone with some doctor who put me on Seroquel and told me I wouldn't "hear voices" if I took it. I was really scared and my heart was going 155 BPM. I just said yes to everything because I knew they all thought I was insane. And I was, at some level, but it was abnormal for me.

The first night was probably the worst. I don't remember much of the first night. I remember walking into a door. I may have even been knocked out, but I can't remember clearly. I did hear some auditory hallucinations, and I wasn't sure what was going on because most of the time I was forced to stay in my room. They seemed to be trying, at some level to "Help" me. The first day I got there, I remember some kids trying to cast a "spell" on me to make me sleep. Obviously, it did not work.

Of course, then things began to get crazy. This is where I doubt my own perceptions. It had been days without sleep, and my heart was going at 155. I have some disjointed memories that I have for the last four years, been trying to piece together. And now I've finally gotten most of it. At first no one knew anything about me. I'm going to try to do this chronologically. The first night, I remember being sort of dazed and confused. I got lost around the complex, and I believe I was carried back to my room and the door shut on me, which is why I ran into the door trying to leave later.

At some point, someone called me Tric, which scared me. "Tric, I can see your dick!" someone cried out. People began talking about me. Soon, the "group" activity seemed to consist of people analyzing my LIvejournal or the stories I used to write. I'm not sure which, but I remember staying out of group and people saying the author of whatever they were all reading sounded like a "selfish boy."

Things got weird. Someone in the hospital seemed to take a liking to me and sneak in milkshakes from In-N-Out. I recognized the palm trees on the cup. I gave my YT password to someone who asked for it. People from another room behind me tried to act like they were voices in my head. There was a closed door behind me that always intrigued me. I imagined a huge room of people observing my every move.

At first, it was a nightmare. No one would believe me. I was "crazy." "Manipulative." a "liar." I thought I saw some YTers who were told to try to talk to me because they could help me. My mom stayed as long as she could, and early on I gave power of medical attorney to my dad so he could decide my medication.

There is one memory that I've tried to block out for the last four years, but now I realize it was the turning point of those horrible times.

I had a bad doctor who didn't know sh*t. He actually said that I "always acted this way." One of the nurses woke me up when I was asleep to give me medication to help me sleep.

I remember my mom arguing with people about me. Mostly I heard my mom's voice and other voices disagreeing about me. I also thought I heard some of the local YTers that were worried about me, as they talked to my mom. I never saw most of the people I heard, so maybe it was at another location, never happened, or the people were not who I thought they were.

But there was one argument that stood out. Three girls (I saw them, since my door was open) were talking to my mom about me. They said that they followed me around in their car and decided I walked weird and stood me up when they were supposed to meet me. "They" being LedZepGrl, Pandapooky, and some third girl that I'm not sure about. Maybe the third girl was a nurse or something.

The girls had their own twisted theories about me that had everything to do with how I behaved to them on YT and nothing to do with real life. They had only seen me in the catanoic state I was in at the time, so they had nothing else to base it on.

They showed my mom the sweet poetry I wrote them, followed by the angry emails I'd sent them about lying about being twin sisters, and talk about how I'd sometimes go off on tangents and rant about problems and get really angry but be sweet other times.

But when my mom told them the boys who stalked me were real after one of the girls broke down crying and asked how I could have changed so much, then she snapped at everyone else in the psych ward saying "You people are sick!", and suddenly things got a lot better for me in there. My mom asked me if I really wanted to hurt anyone, and she and my dad started bringing me outside to play basketball and walk and I ate food with the other people.

Of course, I wasn't sane at this point. Not a threat, but not sane. They gave me a private room after I had started sleeping, and I recovered quickly.

Of course, there's another memory I have. People were building me a makeshift strecther, but I just stood there in a catatonic state and didn't go. They were trying to move me to my new room, but I was unaware of the situation. Later I wandered around and someone told me I moved, and at the time I didn't understand what was going on.

Of course, what really saved me was a girl. A really hot girl. I am not making that up. She started a conversation with me. The first thing out of her mouth was "I'm pregnant."

She obviously wasn't, and I was suspicious of what was going on. I thought the psych ward was a cult brainwashing people, and the girl seemed strange. I said: "You don't look pregnant."

She replied: "Why thank you." in a teasing and flirtatious voice.

My mom informs me this girl then started talking to me about the Giants. I do remember her. I don't remember her and the Giants, but I remember watching the Giants after talking to her.

I'm going to go out on a limb here and assume she is LedZepGrl. LedZepGrl lived less than an hour away, and I wouldn't be surprised if she came that far to try to help me.

And I actually saw Pandapooky. I recognized her very well, and have several memories of her. She told my mom that she felt everything that happened to me was her fault. I remember trying to avoid looking at her. I didn't' want her to be there because that meant that all "you people" were real.

Those are the memories I used to try to repress. When I wouldn't sleep, I'd start thinking about those times again, and finally, about a week before the election it all added up. The whole conspiracy. There is a conspiracy, whether you rejects want there to be one or not. It doesn't target me alone, but many of us. There are people who actively look for ways to make others suffer on YT. Fat useless trashy people like Ugot who PM others and try to find ways to f*ck with our heads. I think they actually wanted to see me snap.

Of course, all I do when I snap is make straw man arguments and invoke the name Barry Goldwater. So f*ck all yall. I want to be unbanned, and I want a YT revolution. But really, I'm too good for this site. Yelena, Paperdoll, courtbebe, ehfahq, jstck, you all are too good for this site. We should meet up in the winter or the spring. I can tell you amusing tales of the olden days.

P.S:

Questions for all of you.

1. Is there really a conspiracy of jerks? (Not specifically against me, I know.)

2. Who is LedZepGrl?

3. How old was she?

4. Did she like me?

5. Why did people start spreading the rumor that I was racist?

6. Is Dbbutterfly real? If so, was everything she told me/people told me about her real?

7. If not, who "played" her and can they be banned if they were over 18 since I was 17 when I talked to her?

That felt good. Kind of like taking a dump on this site.

And Buddy, hear my cry. Fix your site. If you keep the status quo, I am going to boycott YT.

I just need attention from you random people. Someone punch my mom or get her a therapist.